Not always about type.

There is something in me that responds to something in you. I start to offer you my hand.

Yet it is safer, easier, to keep it in my pocket and go on my way because, for all I know, you may not extend yours—and there I will stand in a foolish posture, reaching out to meet only your puzzled stare. Worse yet, you may laugh at my impertinence and turn away in scorn. Suppose you do meet my hand with your own—I still take a chance. You may misunderstand my reaching and the task of communication will be troublesome to me. Or you may grasp at me frantically and frighten me with your hold. Or your problems may rub off like germs from your fingertips to become a part of myself and then I will be burdened with the burdens of us both.

If I stretch out my hand I make myself vulnerable. Knowing this, the inside of my pocket feels soft and warm, a dark womb that shrinks from the birth moment. In that second or year of hesitation, much is at stake. The ‘you’ and ‘I’ may choose to touch. The potential association with a like spirit, a deep and abiding friendship, a love that grows into friendship or all shapes in between. The character of the relationship depends upon who the ‘you’ and ‘I’ are, and the circumstances surrounding us at the given time of our meeting. But the problem of relationship is the same at any time, any where: Shall I offer you my hand? 

My thumb nervously rubs at my pocket lining. To reach toward you is a risk, but not to do so is to miss you. Suddenly, or slowly, my hand leaves its security and swings out in the light where you are. There is the terrible moment of your decision. And then, if fingertips meet, the joy of beginning. And if not, the hurt. 

—Mary Jean Irior

I’ve always loved this poem. It speaks to how I’ve felt many times and in many different situations. Some people find it easy to introduce themselves and they don’t have any worries about whether or not they will be accepted. But I am not one of those people. I don’t always introduce myself for fear of making some blunder and then leaving the person with a bad first impression. I’m sure I’m not the only person with this problem.